14 August 2010
Blog Entry 041
Turtles ForNEVER
Witty, Eh?
With all the great fun super awesome things that happened to me these last few weeks,
But this blog isn't about seeing The Gaslight Anthem in Providence with a couple awesome
It's not about the ridiculousness of me and Danny seeing a lone 8 year old boy riding a
Or about how Danny & I were eating Mexican food next to Los Lobos.
Nope. This blog isn't even going to be about how my right nut was attacked by Hubble, and
No. I feel the need to expla...no...RANT...about how Nickelodeon is pimp-slapping
Now, I can honestly say that I've been a fan of Eastman and Laird's Teenage Mutant Ninja
And as everyone who shares this love, my heart sank to the deep recesses of my ass last
As you saw in "A Culmination of Serious Events," you know I'm not thrilled about Michael
If you're a Turtles fan you've seen Turtles Forever. Seventy-six times. If you enjoy
Now this whole "pimp-slapping" and "blatant disrespecting" that Nick is shelling out
When Turtles Forever aired, it had a 70 minute run time, which was pretty decent
So what's Nick releasing? The 70 minute, or 78 minute cut? Well, if it were the
Turtles Forever was filmed in widescreen. I'm not 100% positive on the aspect ratio,
Nickelodeon has butt-fucked us once again, and this time, they didn't so much as spit.
4:3 aspect ratio. ORLY? Nick, WHAT-THE-FUCK?! "Oh, hello, I'm 1994, I just got a
Yeah, the artwork isn't a HUGE deal, but take a look at this.
Here's the original promo art that 4-Kids made.
Now here's the god damn trash that Nick is putting out.
DVD.
It's 20-fucking-10, give us a fucking Blu-ray, so we can watch 1/3 of the movie
JEFF
you would think I would write a blog about it.
chaps two weeks ago, and then again in Boston two days later with some hot dudes, where
we met some new friends, who are quite possibly the raddest humans in the Commonwealth
of Massachusetts.
Jay Jay the Jet Plane ride screaming "DIE MUSLIMS! DIE!" over and over again.
the only reason I'm not mad at him for causing me a week of testicular agony is because
he caused this pain with a retractable Darth Maul lightsaber.
It's not even about how sad Adam always is.
and blatantly disrespecting life long, and loyal Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fans.
Turtles since 1987. No, not 1984 when the comic debuted, since I was just about conceived,
but since the first cartoon series debuted. Since then I've had scores of TMNT action fi-
gures, I've seen every movie in theaters, own all movies on VHS, DVD, and Blu-ray (as well
as every single DVD of both animated series, AND many VHS's of the original series and
Next Mutation), I have a decent collection of the Mirage series (including issues 3-6, two
of which are signed) and Image series, an original turtle sketch by Laird and original
Fugitoid sketch by Eastman.... Basically, I fucking love this franchise.
October when Nickelodeon bought the Turtles from Peter Laird for $60 million clams. Of
course us fans are saddened, but I can't hold a grudge, and I'm glad for Peter, him and
Kevin made many childhoods including mine a lot of fun. After I came to terms with the
"loss," I started feeling hopeful. Maybe Nick would treat my old pals with some respect,
maybe this would be a good thing.
Bay's production company being in charge of the upcoming live-action/CGI feature, but
what I haven't talked about on bagged & boredom yet is Turtles Forever.
some TMNT every now and then, you've seen it at least one, or know what it is. And if
you have no clue what Turtles Forever is, what the FUCK are you doing on this site?
But since you're here, read about it at Wikipedia.
(yes, that was a pun) comes with the DVD release of Turtles Forever it's distributing.
I can ramble on in paragraph form, but I'm just going to list my gripes.
Long story short: Out of the 40 or so DVDs I have of both animated series, this will
considering it was in a Saturday morning slot. Shortly after it aired, though,
4-Kids website had a 78 minute cut you could stream for free. And still can,
if you click right here.
Director's Cut, I wouldn't be pissed, would I?
because I don't have 4-Kids HD, so my TV kinda fucked with it a little, but it was
definatley made wide (like Adam's anus by his multiple boyfriends).
No. They fucked us raw, hard, and dry. Dry, that is, until we start bleeding out of
our newly prolapsed anii.
sweet 27" TV. Why the fuck is there those black lines on the top and bottom of
my screen? I want the picture to fill up the whoooole screen! That's why I paid
$900 dollars for this rockin VHF!" That is a quote from Viacom's CEO. Probably.
FUCKING EPIC. Right?
That's the kinda bullshit I expect from those episodic releases with only 3
or 4 episodes per disc. This is NOT a good way to start with your newly
acquired fanbase, cunts.
in beautiful 1080p 4:3 for 70 minutes while we cut our wrists with shiny new, clean knives.
be the FIRST release in 7 years, that I won't buy. And I bought BOTH Flash Forward
releases. Way to go Nickelodeon. I kind of hope you never release a Back to the Sewers
set, because even that mediocre season doesn't deserve the shit you're going to put
it through.
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